a blood thirsty fiend or a vicious beast at dusk?

yesterday night, i went to the hospital cause i was as miserable as i can be.
sarah took me there, i thank you for that.
well.. she was my mom for the night. haha
it took us awhile to find urgent care.. but we eventually found it.
for some odd reason i wasn't nervous at all.
maybe i was too sick to even notice i was.
well.. the wait wasnt too long. which was perty surprising.
i had a fever at 99. it could had been worse.. once i had a fever at 104. eek!
well.. they observed me. i predicted that i had strep throat.. so did the doctor..
but the results came back negative.. hrm.. what else could it have been?
well he listened to my lungs.. & his "hrm's" were frightening.. yet.. soothing..
i dont know why.. but i wanted there to be something wrong with me..
as bad as that sounds.. i did..
he sent me to get an x-ray of my lungs which was exciting.. but ehh
idk.. i thought to myself.. maybe if there was something wrong with me..
the true feelings from everyone will show up..
or maybe fakes ones.. cause they have sympathy.. which i dont need..
but i was thinking.. maybe i'd feel loved & satisfied if i was on the edge & someone just admitted to me that they loved me..
not just anyone.. just that one specific person..

i think i've been lying to myself..
i told myself that i think im over you..
but to tell you the truth.. i dont think i have moved on.
i guess i was just scared that you wouldn't accept me & i'd be left with nothing..
just cold & lonely again
so i went for the closet thing to me..
but i dont know the truth just yet.
i'm not saying im just using him.. but blah.. i dont know..
i have a different love for you then i do for him..
but i have to admit.. even when im with him..
it's never really fulfilling..
i yearn for more.. but i dont think i'll ever be satisfied.. why is that?!
am i stuborn? why cant i be happy with what i have?! ughh! why why whyyyy this again?!


i'm just confused right now..
i need to give it some time..
i could just be zomped from all the pills i've been taking.. blehh


hahaha it got me thinking.. he's the (cause you remind me of a wolf) >werewolf & your the vampire < (well cause you like them so much)
your going to barf when you read this sarah.. hahaha
so i recommend you not to read the next line.. but i know you will.. hhaha
but it reminds me of the book twilight. pwhahahahhaha! :}

well..
but which one do i choose?


funny huh?!